can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
