I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm at about main and main street
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
