There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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