I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
