I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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