i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
