Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
