mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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