I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
