So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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