My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
