Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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