HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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