WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
