it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize