a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize