do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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