Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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