is your mom at the bar?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
