college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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