So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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