did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
