Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and she was petting her beer can
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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