We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
