So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
