there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
