he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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