Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
