i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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