so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
