yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
