Barsexuality is the new black.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
