You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think i scared a bird with my dick
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
