i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
