Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
