Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
