that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
