Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
