i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
