Barsexuality is the new black.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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