Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
