i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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