oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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