38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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