if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
