so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
