Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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