I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
