Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
