"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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