you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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