they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
