I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
