okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
