Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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