from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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