but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize