There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
