Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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