Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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