FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
